Solid

What are you depending on?

What is solid in your world? Relationships? Money? Work? 

Almost all of us have learned that these things have a breaking point... Solid is relative.

Unless, of course, your life is built around God.
God neither bends nor breaks. He doesn't change.
He doesn't disappear. He doesn't fail.

God is the only "solid" that is truly solid.
All other things will let us down;
the unchanging God will be there until the end of time.

For Them

I lit this candle today for them...

Them, who was once with us in this journey

People who shared a portion of their life with us

They, who extended their love unconditionally

and touched our hearts wholeheartedly.

Bye Bye Love

I believed when u said that we'll see each other in the right time...
And that someday our path will cross again.

Summer ended and cool wind is here
Embracing me on this cold and lonely evening
Somehow I am wishing that you're here beside me
And we are praying together that God will bless us endlessly.

Born Free

Have you ever doubted His might and power?
Have you ever felt that He is deaf, and not hearing your prayers?
Do you feel tired waiting for miracles to happen?
Or did you gave up that faith and let go of His promises?

Not all the time, life is easy
Each of us has our own misery...
Today the sun smiles and you may feel lucky
Yet tomorrow is cloudy and you might not be happy.

We cried out in prayers, asking for help
Or we jumped for happiness, for the blessings that we have
Everyone has his own burden, a trial to resolve
And the gifts also differ, depending on what our life needs to hold.

Forward, March!!!

We have had our own farewells.
Bid goodbyes on different notes...
Chapters that ends...
Doors that close.

As to some, goodbyes were always painful...
Holding on to the past that was over for so long.
Stucked up with old memories and living with those,
Trapped in the days of fantasies that makes it worst.

The pain of acceptance and letting go...
We should not be caught by fear of facing tomorrow...
Yesterday was a past, yes, it passed;
Things that happened, we can never bring back.

The only truth is that, what we only have...
and that is today, where our focus should be attached.

Regrets from the past, until when will you be locked?
The guilt, the pain, that anger and fear...
Release it for once, and give yourself a chance...
Be free and live a life, love today and let go of the past.

Counting Apples

Anyone can count the seeds of an apple...

But only God can count the apples in a seed.

-o0o-

We are all geniuses... experts in our own fields.

We have mastered our crafts.

We know what we know...

and we should distinguish what we don't...

We have grown into our different professions...

We have succeeded with our own careers...

But we should always remember that it's not just because of us.

We've seen the fruit of our labor; the results of our hardwork...

Our wings were wide open, we have fly high enough.

Yet do we recognize how we manage to take off before we reach the sky?

Counting apples from the tree is as easy as ABC.

Like reckoning our blessings, from the simplest to the best... as simple as 123.

But do we understand that beyond the soil, sun and water that helps the trees grow and produce fruits... it is the Creator who made it possible?

We may have achieved our greatest dreams... not just because we are good and smart... but our God has blessed us with His mercy and love.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
- Proverbs 19:21

where have I been?

just somewhere...

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in the place where my heart stays.

where there are too much laughter in the air.

and where smile sticked on my face...

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there in the comfort zone of my being.

where 2 minutes lasts for decades...

and seconds of fun stays forever.

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in paradise where i was surrounded by love.

where all the people that matters are just within reach.

where nights were like days... and days dont turn to nights.

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there, rain and sun are together.

wind blows cold, yet sunshine kept us warm.

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the place where my mind rests...

where my heart beats...

and where my dreams achieved.

Thank You, NAY

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A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

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Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

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Proverbs 31:10-12 and 25-31

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___

as my 100th Blog... luckily, its for Mother's Day.

and to the person who give life to us...

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I just want to thank my Nanay, as I always do...

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for all the love that she poured into our hearts.

for being so understanding, inspite and despite of all our mistakes.

for all the care that never change... since we were babies...

for showing us the best example of being a parent...

for allowing us to be kids... for making us feel extra special as daughter / sons...

for giving us a beautiful family.

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for all the nights that she's awake, to make sure that we are safe in the middle of storm...

for all the foods that she didn't eat, since its our favorites...

for all the clothes that she made for us...

for the education that they gave...

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for teaching us the right and wrong...

for being so patient that we can also be one...

for letting us stumble freely so that we can learn to stand again...

for giving us duties so that we can be responsible...

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for offering your life to us...

for teaching God's unconditional love to us...

for showing us the difference of living in this world, and living for God.

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and for the many many many many things...

that we can no longer write...

and for all the things that she sacrificed...

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and most of all...

thank you nay, for allowing me to be me; the person that i want to be...

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HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

I've Got Nothing!

I am tired...

I am weak...

I am worn...

I am a struggler...

I am a sinner...

I am a child...

I am human...

I have questions...

I have fears...

I have temptations...

I have pride...

I am self-concious...

I am selfish...

at times, I am a mess..

I cry out to you, Lord and I confess that i have nothing!

As my cries goes silent, I hear you say...

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:3

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Your grace is sufficient for me, O Lord...

I may be lacking many things.

I may not be knowlegable in many ways...

Yet, You have come to rescue me.

"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.'

No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord." - Romans 8:28-39

I was saved by Your love.

Strengthen by Your mercy.

I have nothing, yet, with my faith in You...

"I can do everything, through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

Lord, I have nothing! But when I stop, listen & hear your voice...

I realize that I have You & You know me.

That's all I need.

when i dont know what else to say...

and what words to speak as i talk to Him...
i just keep quiet and be still.
and in silence, i can feel His embrace.
the stillness gives me rest.
it makes me calm. it makes me feel secured.
in the most difficult times, when i am confused.
i just stop and praise our Lord...

in time of trouble, i know He's there...
during those times that i'm in despair.
never that my faith left me... even in the middle of tragedy.
i believe that Jesus just chosen me, to share His hardships in calvary.

___

"... but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30

nanay's flowers

these are another flowers from my mother's little garden.

they are simple, yet they bloomed beautifully.

i know why.

because my mother takes care of them well.

waters them with love.

if they can only say a word...

definitely, they will agree!!!

well, they dont need to say a word.

its shown clearly.

i am proud of my mother.

just like these gorgeous flowers...

she raised me well.

missing spark

i wonder why things change even if you dont want to.

why love seems to fade, even if you never wished to.

why good things turns out bad, and bad suddenly turns out good???

why can't we control this changes, when we are the ones who decide...

we are the one who chooses, yet we sometimes, we end up choosing something that we dont prefer.

why can't we handle our emotions, when in fact we are the one in charge with it.

we are conscious that its happening... yet we tend to ignore it.

how can we solve problems, if we dont want to face it?

why do we tend to let things passed, unresolved?

sometimes, its all right in front of you, yet you disregard the situation...

why is compromise seems so difficult to find these days?

why is it hard to apologize from the heart when its the only way?

is giving up the only answer to these questions?

what else can we do, if we dont want to find solution?

is it too much to ask for your attention?

what if im no longer longing for your affection?

when all that we can see is each others mistake

is it still worth it or we really need a break?

until when do we have to suffer?

what if this is too much to bear?

why do we need to sacrifice when it seems useless anymore?

how can we lit the light when there is no more spark?

maybe lets just leave all the shadow while its not too much dark.

women survives

Finally, I’m not busy today…
Work is manageable. Some are just waiting for signatures.
Weather is great. I had delicious lunch.
Everything is just fine… except for me.

I’ve been suffering from menstrual pains…
And it really hurts.
I know this is normal, but it’s not like this all the time.
Today is different. I don’t know why & I don’t want to know…
My head is aching… and I am feeling cold.

While writing this, I’m having a chat conversation with a friend...
She is in pain as well… not because of Dysmenorrhea but because her boyfriend who happens to be the father of the child she is bearing just left her…
And now, she was broken… don’t even know how to pick up the pieces…

Then I realize… these are just some kind of pain that only women can bear.
A monthly period that hurts so much that doesnt only lasts for hours… it can happen in countless days and it may even take weeks.
This is simple, this is just physical pain… and we endure it, every month…
We can’t always excuse ourselves to go to work because it seemed so childish to others. But the truth is… it really really hurts.

But mine was just mixed up with all the stress & pressures for the past weeks… all the physical activities that I did - and just with this thought… makes me feel less guilty because I was complaining with something that I should be used to. –I am not complaining… I was just sharing my experience & what I feel… OK!

Now, I thought about my friend’s situation. I don’t exactly know how to comfort her. I can feel her burden, just two weeks ago; she had some spotting… maybe because also of stress… she knew its happening, and now, it was over.

She is carrying a child inside her body. She fought for it. She gave up everything for the relationship & for the baby…and now; she is alone, with nothing.

In four months time, she will deliver her child. She said she have to do it alone, there is no other choice. That is the fact.

Then I realize, how painful will it be. The physical pain, the emotional pain… This dysmenorrhea is intolerable, I am hurting. How about her? The pain sucks… it can kill anybody. But not her…she has to be alive. She has to continue living, for her child…

We both have to move on, and so as every women in the same condition. I have to work. I need to work. She has to start all over again. Find a new job. Build new dreams and push her to move forward.

This not about feminism or something… This is just about two women, both in pain… and about some women, who feels the same.

___________________________

A strong woman VS A woman of strength
by Luke Easter & Dee Cheeks

A strong woman

works out every day to keep her body in shape...

but
A woman of strength

kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman

isn't afraid of anything...

but
A woman of strength

shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman

won't let anyone get the best of her...

but
A woman of strength

gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman

makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
A woman of strength

realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman

walks sure footedly...

but
A woman of strength

knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman

wears the look of confidence on her face...

but
A woman of strength

wears grace...

A strong woman

has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...

but
A woman of strength

has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

how long is forever

can this word really means a lifetime?
or rather, is there really a word such forever?

you promised to be there, till the end of time...
yet you were not there at any time.

forever has been an abused word for broken promises...
people swore... telling that they will be together, forever.
that nothing can change... no one can keep them apart.
words that deceive others... but gives hope to some.

love and forever are partners.
they bind each other.
what if the bond was broken & forever fades?
how can love continues to journey without a trace?

never think someone will be there forever...
forever is a long time & time has a way of changing things.

sometimes, the littlest thing in life changes something...
& there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be...
but you just cant because things have changed so much...

and this isnt good or bad... only the way of things.
nothing stays the same... and so thus forever wont remain.

2006

the last Christmas that i can remember...

sometimes, i keep asking why we have to leave?

why do we need to sacrifice our time?

minutes that should be spent with our loved ones.

seconds that can last forever with them just slips away from our palm...

and being far, we tend to wish that time must run fast...

that we hope the day will be over in a snap...

we dont want to check the clock, no more counting the minutes that past.

instead, looking forward to the next weeks... months... years...

until the day that we arrive home again.

a month of vacation will be a lifetime memory.

few days with them and it will all be heaven's glory.

i wonder why life is a misery... why do we need live in agony.

i am longing for their hugs & kisses...

i cant wait to hear the sound when they giggle...

and at times that they are in pain...

i want to be with them to wipe their tears away.

but in this life that i am taking...

i dont know until when will i be missing...

those moments with them that i know is running...

because soon, they are also leaving.

i hope one day, i can shout STOP!

i can take a seat, and be relaxed.

if given a chance or a wish maybe...

i'll wish that we are together again, my whole family.

sad tuesday

another day ends.

sometimes, it feels like we just have to let it go...

everyday seems the same.

nothing new. no excitement for tomorrow.

it will just be the same as yesterday...

is this what life is all about?

i know it wasnt... before.

things changed. i dont know what went wrong.

maybe, this phase, which i call homesickness, will pass...

i would want to think it will...

because if it wont...

i cant recall living... i couldnt recognize life.

sometimes, i ask myself...

why am i here? it made me feel like a robot.

am i still alive?

i wonder if i am the only one suffering.

i know this is something that i shouldnt feel.

but this is real...

something is wrong...

am i lost? i dont know.

i am feeling numb...

confused? bothered? stressed?

i am not.

but for now, i just want to entertain this feeling.

bear with me.

i am definitely sad...

i asked myself the whole time, what is the reason...

and i found the answer.

i miss home.

When Love Isn’t All that Matter

It is in giving that we receive…it is in loving that we are loved.
How can you supposed to be loved, if there is nothing more to give?

Isn’t your all enough?
Is your best wasn’t good as you think it was?
How can you bring happiness when you weren’t happy?
How can you dream if your world is empty?

We all have different interpretations of what love really is…
Different styles of expressing that feeling…
Different ways to be satisfied…
Different meaning to understand…

Rick Warren spells love as T-I-M-E.
Because the essence of love is not what we think or do, or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

In 1 Corinthians, it is written that love is patient & kind…
Not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish, or irritable;
Love does not keep record of wrongs…

You gave your T-I-M-E… your whole life.
You were patient… you were kind.
Yet this seemed didn’t matter… this was JUST not enough…
How can you still hold on to the promise of love?

Most of us tend to hold on…
Tries to bring back that little spark…
But how can love be justified, if there’s a pain that kills you inside?

When loving means believing, and believing means loving
How long can one stand suffering?
Of the love that was really hurting…

Until when can enough be stopped?
And letting go be on the positive track…
For it is not always in holding on or fighting for,
...love is not ours to command.(photo by ericson)

Patience is better than Pride

Patience.
it is the greatest of all virtues.
the mother of will.
the companion of wisdom.
the art of hoping.
it conquers all things - the best remedy for trouble!

Pride.
sullies the noblest character.
the first peer & the president of hell.
an admission of weakness.
it slays thanksgiving.
it is a powerful narcotic - the last vice the good man gets clear of!

now, is my title justified? :)

I got that from - Ecclesiastes 7:8b
"Patience is better than pride."

its a fact.
hard to accept...
even harder to practice...

but a man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.

seeking relief

i am feeling tired today. i dont know why.
i was trying to think of the reasons...
maybe, this is just one of my mood swings.

i just came back from a smoke break, went outside the building.
i've seen several birds flying freely in the air.
as if searching for something or looking for someone...

they move without restraint.
they go wherever they want... they are soaring high!

"wish i was a bird?" hahaha...
sometimes.

i envied their freedom - their moves.
as if nothing else matters when they fly.
and the best part is... they know the way home afterwards.

these are my stock photos, taken last summer.

i dont know if what im feeling is really jealousy.

but at some point, i know we all should be... (not just me)

temptation. decision. revelation.

we are weak because we are human.
an excuse for all the flaws in our decisions...

when we are tempted... we always try to resists.
and it is always better to try.
but the best is not to dig in.

i read something about temptation from the daily heartlight message... it struck me. because i am also human, and temptation is all around.

the writer of heartlight says -
in the face of temptation, God promised 2 things:

1. a way out
the power of resistance... the ability to fight over ones weak point.
have the authority to act, instead of react...

2. the power to stand up under trial
the will to survive. the strength to fight...
as they say: It is not in never falling... but rising everytime we fall.

"prevention is better than cure and experience is the best teacher..."

which is easier? which is better?

He also said & I quote:
"Character is produced both by refusing to give into temptation and also refusing to give up during the challenges for remaining faithful."

God is faithful,

He gives us the will power to decide,
the wisdom to choose between good and evil.

now...

it is our choice, that show WHAT we truly are.