Remembering Lola Marcosa

It’s almost 12 years ago when she went home…
Yet until this moment, I still feel that longing…
Her teasing smile… how she played around with her grand children.
Her way of kissing on our forehead…

She is a giver…a very generous Lola...
Like any other grandmother; she gave her all to her grandkids.
We had a happy childhood; there was never a dull moment with her…
She makes a simple nap time more exciting by giving prizes to the first kid to fall asleep :-)
Or a consequence to those who won’t lie-down, like removing her gray hair or a head massage…
I knew Agua Bendita (a comic story, now into TV) from Liwayway Komiks when I was a grader…
Yes, not a fairy tale book or any other children’s books… but we read comics together during siesta time…
Bingo was not a gambling for us, but a fun bonding game for the family. Yes, we also play it with money, from her ofcourse…
She will give us money and we will all play. No one will lose, because at the end of the game, she will give us the same amount as what the winner will get.

As I grew older, I’ve come to know that Lola is a very strong person.
She will stick to what she believed was right… No one can influence her.
Her fair treatment to every member of the family is something that I really admire from her.
We have a very big family… she had 13 kids… 30+ grandkids… 100+ great grandkids…
Each has their own story… while she was still with us; she knows what’s going on with each family.
Even though sometimes they hide it from her… she is the mother, and I believe that she felt it deep within.
I admire her strength and bravery. She inspired me in a lot of ways.
Her love for the family, the good example that she showed to us was instill in my heart.

In the last years of her life, she finally accepted our Lord God.
After decades of not talking to our Lolo because of different beliefs, I witnessed her rebirth…
How she received Christ as her Savior; how her life changed…
I’ve seen her transformed from a happy to a more joyful Lola…
That peace that comes from her heart was glowing and made the rest of her life more meaningful…

29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:29-31

I am missing her, every single day...
Yet I know that she is just there… happy in heaven, watching over us.

Thank You, NAY

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A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

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Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

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Proverbs 31:10-12 and 25-31

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as my 100th Blog... luckily, its for Mother's Day.

and to the person who give life to us...

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I just want to thank my Nanay, as I always do...

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for all the love that she poured into our hearts.

for being so understanding, inspite and despite of all our mistakes.

for all the care that never change... since we were babies...

for showing us the best example of being a parent...

for allowing us to be kids... for making us feel extra special as daughter / sons...

for giving us a beautiful family.

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for all the nights that she's awake, to make sure that we are safe in the middle of storm...

for all the foods that she didn't eat, since its our favorites...

for all the clothes that she made for us...

for the education that they gave...

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for teaching us the right and wrong...

for being so patient that we can also be one...

for letting us stumble freely so that we can learn to stand again...

for giving us duties so that we can be responsible...

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for offering your life to us...

for teaching God's unconditional love to us...

for showing us the difference of living in this world, and living for God.

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and for the many many many many things...

that we can no longer write...

and for all the things that she sacrificed...

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and most of all...

thank you nay, for allowing me to be me; the person that i want to be...

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HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

stress free - miss stress

can we call her, miss stress?
my soon-to-be mom again friend who was... (you know the story)

why miss stress? because she was... before.
ofcourse, who cant be streessed in that situation?
maybe some will be more than that!

and it is the unique characteristic of her...
being stressed is normal... a lot of things annoys her...
and since its normal... its easier to handle...
she dont want to be stressed forever, so she'll let it go.

we are having conversation again.
but i was so surprised.
after 3 days... she is no longer the bitterness - miss stress!
i am now talking with stress free - miss stress!!!

i am happy to know that she is healing.
she is still in pain, but she knows that she shouldnt be stucked there for long.
she was very angry. she wanted revenge. but after entertaining the feeling, she stopped. who wants to be mad forever? who wants to keep the bitterness???

Revenge never heals a wound. it will just prolong the agony...

she wanted to forgive the 'ex'...
i know this will need a longer time.
for now, she can only forget. and that is a good start... a quick start actually!!!
how? she was sticking in her mind that 'ex' is gone... he is now resting in peace :) so that she wont expect that one day he will come back, because he wont.

she is letting go. quite fast? i know!
but that is her. she is miss stress!
and that is one thing that we, her friends, admire about her...

she accepted it. everything WAS over.

she was never that strong woman as you think she is...
she is weak... fragile... delicate.
but she is a woman of strength...
her faith, above all else keeps her going.

she knows that God will provide. (that is her shoutout on her friendster profile)
He who gives you the day will also give the things necessary for the day!
she might not have anything but we all know that this faith will give her everything...

in four months time, her baby will be born.
the source of her hope.
she knows that all this pain will end as soon as she see arrives...
and i believe everybody agrees to that!

and, she has kept her goals.
despite of all the stress and bitterness...
she managed to be focus.
she knows the reason why she needs to go on.
a decent living for her children. and she is dedicated to that!

i never knew her as a God fearing person.
she dont go to church... she is not even sure of her religion...
but she knows how to pray...
and she believes that our prayers are answered not when we are given what we asked, but when we are challeged to be what we can be...
she was challenged & she accepted it.

she is in the middle of this battle & her only weapon to survive is the little faith that is in her heart to keep the stress away!

women survives

Finally, I’m not busy today…
Work is manageable. Some are just waiting for signatures.
Weather is great. I had delicious lunch.
Everything is just fine… except for me.

I’ve been suffering from menstrual pains…
And it really hurts.
I know this is normal, but it’s not like this all the time.
Today is different. I don’t know why & I don’t want to know…
My head is aching… and I am feeling cold.

While writing this, I’m having a chat conversation with a friend...
She is in pain as well… not because of Dysmenorrhea but because her boyfriend who happens to be the father of the child she is bearing just left her…
And now, she was broken… don’t even know how to pick up the pieces…

Then I realize… these are just some kind of pain that only women can bear.
A monthly period that hurts so much that doesnt only lasts for hours… it can happen in countless days and it may even take weeks.
This is simple, this is just physical pain… and we endure it, every month…
We can’t always excuse ourselves to go to work because it seemed so childish to others. But the truth is… it really really hurts.

But mine was just mixed up with all the stress & pressures for the past weeks… all the physical activities that I did - and just with this thought… makes me feel less guilty because I was complaining with something that I should be used to. –I am not complaining… I was just sharing my experience & what I feel… OK!

Now, I thought about my friend’s situation. I don’t exactly know how to comfort her. I can feel her burden, just two weeks ago; she had some spotting… maybe because also of stress… she knew its happening, and now, it was over.

She is carrying a child inside her body. She fought for it. She gave up everything for the relationship & for the baby…and now; she is alone, with nothing.

In four months time, she will deliver her child. She said she have to do it alone, there is no other choice. That is the fact.

Then I realize, how painful will it be. The physical pain, the emotional pain… This dysmenorrhea is intolerable, I am hurting. How about her? The pain sucks… it can kill anybody. But not her…she has to be alive. She has to continue living, for her child…

We both have to move on, and so as every women in the same condition. I have to work. I need to work. She has to start all over again. Find a new job. Build new dreams and push her to move forward.

This not about feminism or something… This is just about two women, both in pain… and about some women, who feels the same.

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A strong woman VS A woman of strength
by Luke Easter & Dee Cheeks

A strong woman

works out every day to keep her body in shape...

but
A woman of strength

kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman

isn't afraid of anything...

but
A woman of strength

shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman

won't let anyone get the best of her...

but
A woman of strength

gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman

makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
A woman of strength

realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman

walks sure footedly...

but
A woman of strength

knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman

wears the look of confidence on her face...

but
A woman of strength

wears grace...

A strong woman

has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...

but
A woman of strength

has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...