The Adventure Begins

Yey! Just a day after my 32nd birthday, my adventure begun...

In the morning of June 5, my left ear started to hear a buzzing sound. In a spun of 2 hours, it seems like I'm totally deaf. I can no longer hear anything from that side... it seems blocked and felt numb.
Gradually, I felt the imbalance while I walk, dizziness follows, until I started to throw up...
It was after lunch when vomiting took over... when I couldn't  fight any longer, I mentioned it to my colleague who immediately rushed me to the hospital.

My suffering continues, countless times of throwing up... I was so anxious, totally weak during those times at the emergency room. Everything is spinning, faster than you can ever imagine. The doctor said it is Vertigo.

Vertigo /ˈvɜː(ɹ)tɨɡoʊ/ (from the Latin vertō "a whirling or spinning movement" is a subtype of dizziness, where there is a feeling of motion when one is stationary.The symptoms are due to an asymmetric dysfunction of the vestibular system in the inner earIt is often associated with nausea and vomiting as well as a balance disorder, causing difficulties standing or walking. 

This sickness is very familiar to me, as my Nanay have the same... but I never knew and understand how hard and difficult it was, until I experienced it.  At that time in the ER, I suddenly remember how she suffers, and that memory gave me the strength to fight. Her prayers were louder than the buzzing sound in my ear.

After the medicine took effect, the doctor refer me to an EENT as she said it has something to do with my ear...

Yesterday, I went to see the EENT specialist... and he confirmed the Vertigo and an infection on my left inner ear. He sent me to an audiologist to undergo an audio gram. That confirmed my hearing loss. The doctor mentioned that my left ear is very weak at this moment. He will try but he cannot guarantee a complete healing. I need to undergo a 10-day medication before we proceed to the next step.

He will try and we will wait... without the guarantee that I will regain my hearing.

One of my colleague asked how am I coping...

Yesterday, upon hearing the diagnosis, in all honestly, I felt shocked, but never terrified. I know that I have a big God and this is just one of the test of faith and I will survive... looking forward to His wonderful work in my life.

But on my emotional side, I also felt afraid... not for myself but for my responsibilities. Can I still work? How can I help my family? I have responsibilities to our church ministry, and a big part of that is video editing wherein hearing is crucial... how can I continue to listen to His Word, when I am not capable of hearing?

But above all my worries, God spoke to me, my heart hears louder than my ears...
I just have to be still and know He is God.
Our God who heals... Our God who make all things possible. With Him, I am safe.

In the midst of this not so good situation, God's love embraced me tightly. He never let me feel alone... He sent His love through my colleague, Hana, who brought me to the hospital and  never leave my side. My best friend Erika who's taking care of me just like how my Nanay will do... Nhyit who looks after me. My brother Ernan who extends his support and love. And to all of my friends and family who keeps on praying for my recovery... With all these love, there is no room for pain, sorrow and fear...

As what I have said when I started the Chapter 32 of my life...
I will submit to His will and surrender fully to my God.
With or without hearing, I will give glory to His name.

PSALM 103: 1-5
1 Praise the Lord, my soul; 
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins 
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion, 
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Chapter 32

Five years ago, I received my first passport.
I was 27 when I entertained the idea of working abroad and finally accepted the challenge.
There were many reasons why I want to leave... I've shared it several times through the pages of this blogs. All my dreams, my plans, my success, my failures and frustrations.
You've witnessed how Kali emerges; from the dark cloudy night until  the beautiful sunshine kissed my life.

Today. I turned 32.
And I do not know what's with this age that makes me sentimental and emotional...

I browsed my journal before I started this post; there I read that I got my passport on my birthday.

That page is full of dreams. I thank God for the gift - my passport which will pave way to start another chapter of my life. There were positive thoughts about my plans of going to UAE. I'll make it big, I will continue to race... I will focus on my goal. I will be successful in my field...

It's all about me then. My strength, my capabilities and what I can do. I wanted my parents to be proud of me, because I am somebody. I was determined.
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