Lechon Paksiw

While having lunch, a colleague suddenly threw a question:

Ano ung pagkain nyo nung time na mahirap kayo?
What do you eat during the lowest (poorest) time of your life? (tama ba?) 

At that moment, natigilan ako... napaisip and somehow yes, nagbalik ala ala yung darkest, saddest times of my family. 

One answered: mantika at asin sa kanin...  (cooking oil and salt mixed in rice) 

While another one is asin...  (salt) 

I wasn't able to respond. I just answered them with a smile as I remember what it was... 

One commented: Mayaman kasi to kaya wala siyang ganyang experience... 

I reacted and said of course not... we were also poor and went through down moments. 

However, I don't have memories of not having food at the table despite all the hardships that our family went through.

I remember seeing my mother mixing sugar on rice; maybe those were the times when we do not have enough; however she carried the burden alone and never allowed us to suffer. Her lame excuse was that she doesn't want the food...

Bathroom Diaries: Yosi

Last Thursday, I was able to have a chat with a new colleague...
It started with a normal hi, hello and getting to know you conversation; and since we were both not busy as it is almost end of day, our conversations leads from one topic to another, until we noticed bunch of people at the smoking area.

Then I asked her if she smokes; she said no. Good! Then she threw the same question on me. I said I used to... but I quit... few years ago.

She was surprised... then she asked me how I did it.
She told me that her dad is also a chain smoker and she hope that he can stop too...

Stand Firm

Last week, our church celebrated its 16th year of standing firm in faith, united in doing the mission of God. It was victorious. The program runs smoothly, the message was very clear on the presentations, the Word of God was delivered with great impact by the guest pastor, and more importantly, many visitors took the step of faith and accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Indeed, our labor is not in vain.

And as expected, the enemy will work double time to destruct us. We cannot expect them to simply sit and watch us as we celebrate.

Bathroom Diaries

Yesterday, I had a really interesting bathroom conversations with different people; its not new, but its refreshing...  

"I'm soooo done with this. How can people be so inconsiderate?" - My colleague suddenly burst out her emotions while we were in the toilet to freshen up before the start of day... I looked at her and ask: What happened?

How Do I Unwrite the Past?

Sinong di pa naka-panood ng full trailer?
I believe out of 2M hits, isa ka sa nakapanood na...

That line hits me many times: Sapul!

Eto pa: How do I undo the mistakes?

Sana nga, ang buhay ay para lang keyboard ng computer. Puede kang mag ALT, CTRL at DELETE.

Listening With One Ear

I've been sick for a month already.
As I mentioned on my previous post, The Adventure Begins...
I'm getting used to the buzzing sound from my left ear, though being deaf is a different thing. It's embarrassing at  times, it is really difficult to catch up on conversations. But aside from the imbalance and headache... I am fine. 


Though it is alarming that I am becoming comfortable in listening with one ear... 

Last week, my brother and I flew back home for my medication. It was another test of faith as we were only chance passengers; the flight was full on our first attempt. We needed to wait for another day for the next flight.

On our way home, I prayed and claimed that God will give us seats on the next flight, may His will be done. But as we reached home, I went straight to the computer and search for some alternative routes. Malaysia first came to my mind. I checked flight details and the connecting flights. I even wrote them down; making it my 2nd option, if the Manila flight is full on our next attempt. Then I searched for few other options... but the Malaysia flight seems to be the best.

I asked my brother, who was sleeping then to check the details. He said it's fine, and he asked me back... I had second thoughts. Half of me is saying, go! while the other half seems to challenge my faith. Then I said, no, because I already claim that God will give us a seat on the Manila flight, the most convenient since it is direct flight.

BOXER OF ALL TIME

The Adventure Begins

Yey! Just a day after my 32nd birthday, my adventure begun...

In the morning of June 5, my left ear started to hear a buzzing sound. In a spun of 2 hours, it seems like I'm totally deaf. I can no longer hear anything from that side... it seems blocked and felt numb.
Gradually, I felt the imbalance while I walk, dizziness follows, until I started to throw up...
It was after lunch when vomiting took over... when I couldn't  fight any longer, I mentioned it to my colleague who immediately rushed me to the hospital.

My suffering continues, countless times of throwing up... I was so anxious, totally weak during those times at the emergency room. Everything is spinning, faster than you can ever imagine. The doctor said it is Vertigo.


Vertigo /ˈvɜː(ɹ)tɨɡoʊ/ (from the Latin vertō "a whirling or spinning movement" is a subtype of dizziness, where there is a feeling of motion when one is stationary.The symptoms are due to an asymmetric dysfunction of the vestibular system in the inner ear. It is often associated with nausea and vomiting as well as a balance disorder, causing difficulties standing or walking. 

This sickness is very familiar to me, as my Nanay have the same... but I never knew and understand how hard and difficult it was, until I experienced it.  At that time in the ER, I suddenly remember how she suffers, and that memory gave me the strength to fight. Her prayers were louder than the buzzing sound in my ear.

After the medicine took effect, the doctor refer me to an EENT as she said it has something to do with my ear...

Yesterday, I went to see the EENT specialist... and he confirmed the Vertigo and an infection on my left inner ear. He sent me to an audiologist to undergo an audio gram. That confirmed my hearing loss. The doctor mentioned that my left ear is very weak at this moment. He will try but he cannot guarantee a complete healing. I need to undergo a 10-day medication before we proceed to the next step.

He will try and we will wait... without the guarantee that I will regain my hearing.

One of my colleague asked how am I coping...

Yesterday, upon hearing the diagnosis, in all honestly, I felt shocked, but never terrified. I know that I have a big God and this is just one of the test of faith and I will survive... looking forward to His wonderful work in my life.

But on my emotional side, I also felt afraid... not for myself but for my responsibilities. Can I still work? How can I help my family? I have responsibilities to our church ministry, and a big part of that is video editing wherein hearing is crucial... how can I continue to listen to His Word, when I am not capable of hearing?

But above all my worries, God spoke to me, my heart hears louder than my ears...
I just have to be still and know He is God.
Our God who heals... Our God who make all things possible. With Him, I am safe.

In the midst of this not so good situation, God's love embraced me tightly. He never let me feel alone... He sent His love through my colleague, Hana, who brought me to the hospital and  never leave my side. My best friend Erika who's taking care of me just like how my Nanay will do... Nhyit who looks after me. My brother Ernan who extends his support and love. And to all of my friends and family who keeps on praying for my recovery... With all these love, there is no room for pain, sorrow and fear...

As what I have said when I started the Chapter 32 of my life...
I will submit to His will and surrender fully to my God.
With or without hearing, I will give glory to His name.

PSALM 103: 1-5

¹ Praise the Lord, my soul; 
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins 
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion, 
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Chapter 32

Five years ago, I received my first passport.
I was 27 when I entertained the idea of working abroad and finally accepted the challenge.
There were many reasons why I want to leave... I've shared it several times through the pages of this blogs. All my dreams, my plans, my success, my failures and frustrations.
You've witnessed how Kali emerges; from the dark cloudy night until  the beautiful sunshine kissed my life.

Today. I turned 32.
And I do not know what's with this age that makes me sentimental and emotional...

I browsed my journal before I started this post; there I read that I got my passport on my birthday.

That page is full of dreams. I thank God for the gift - my passport which will pave way to start another chapter of my life. There were positive thoughts about my plans of going to UAE. I'll make it big, I will continue to race... I will focus on my goal. I will be successful in my field...

It's all about me then. My strength, my capabilities and what I can do. I wanted my parents to be proud of me, because I am somebody. I was determined.

Become Your Dream

A Colorful  & Prosperous 2012 to you!

Let me start this by sharing an excerpt from our CEO's New Year message to us... 

Mahatma Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the world." 

And a year like 2011 in our region has certainly demonstrated the validity of this message. Across the Middle East and North Africa, people have made their voices heard, and I urge you to do 2 things: 

First, Listen. Filter the truth and understand the new world we live in.... 

Equally important to listening is having a point of view and taking action. Have your voice and let it be heard. Stand for what you believe and do what you love. We have the power, the talent and the ambition to be as powerful as far reaching as our dreams can take us... Realize and become your dream... 

Since Sunday, I have been thinking of topic for the year-end or new year article. I have been praying for wisdom on what to share to everyone.  

Shall I make a recap of what happened in 2011? A year - end repost perhaps? Or shall I make a list of my new year's resolution and to-do-and-not-to-do list for the year? 

Hence, you probably have read all the recap of 2011 - good and not so good things that happened in the past. And surely, you had prepared your new year's resolution as well (if you are that type) or at least had enumerated in mind things that you want to improve for the new year (that's my type). 

So it took me a week to finally open this page and started to write... thanks to our CEO for the inspiring words. 

Be the change you want to see in the world. 

Another Summer Passed...

It's a lovely day out there! Bright sunny day with cool breeze of winter wind.
Summer is finally over... just as quick as October.
Time runs fast; I have counted several summers here in UAE and have waited with enthusiasm for winters. This transition is significant for me. If you have noticed, I have written few blogs about this, annually -- when its almost winter.

What makes this time remarkable for me?
I guess, being in the Middle East, knowing that you are in the desert, having experience the heat of summer and have survived it,  makes this time an extra special above the other phases.

During this time, it feels good to look back few months back... while you are covering yourself from the sun and the hot wind that blows on your face. The feeling of survival and victory that you have overcome the scorching heat of summer.

This year, blazing wind blew several times... I know its not only me, but many of us had a searing summer.

I Miss You

It's been one and a half month since you read something from me.
I am sorry for the gap... for the silence.

The past 45 days was not dull nor empty that there was nothing to write...
Instead, it was a very hectic 45 days for me that might equal to 90 days to others.
Most of the time, my 24 hours was never enough for one day and it usually ends with another day.

I may be as busy as a bee... but I was never been this happy.

I had several experiences that I should share...
I have compiled them in my mind and in my heart. The lessons that I learned, the people that I met, the moments and the experiences... you can read them all in the coming days.

For now, I want to tell you that I really do miss you.
Its been a week that I have this passionate desire to say something again here in my blog... To open my dashboard and write.
In the past week, I felt guilty for not fulfilling my commitment of sharing something to you.

I know I am not oblige.

hOUR Glass

In this world, we were moved by our ambitions of who we want to become, what we wanted to have and how we can achieve it. We also planned where it should happen and when the time is.

We spent our lives trying so hard to accomplish things on our own ways... our mind never stops thinking on how well we can be and how beautiful life can become...

But more often, we missed THAT MOMENT without realizing that it already passed -- when we already lived with our dreams... because we are so busy looking forward to something better.

A for Effort

Few days back, I wasn't sure if I was just experiencing another 'holiday hang-over' -- but that was not the first time that I felt bored at work... it's all over my head and I felt that I do not want to create another job nor talk to anyone regarding work again.

I missed the thrill... the excitement in coming to the office everyday.
Everything seems monotonous... numbers and computation irritates me... not to mention some people who I felt were insatiable and so insensitive. I know it was alarming -- because I started to hate my job :(

I somehow felt depressed... but I have to drag myself to go to work. There are days when I will just sit and stumble at the net, replying only to urgent matters... the rest of the jobs... I just ignore them. My self-esteem was so low... thinking that this is not the job for me...

Everything changed after one phone conversation that I had with my Ninang.

Goodbye, May

As the sun goes down, the day ends, the month closes...

Today marks the last day of May.
What seems to be the busiest month (so far) for me.

There are many shocking incidents and important events that happened in the past 31 days.
In Philippines, a new set of government officials were elected. We are now waiting for the proclamation for the President and Vice... God bless the Philippines!
Two planes crashed... one in Philippines, one in India where 158 people died ... and week after was a train accident in India as well.

And as I mentioned, it has been the busiest month (so far) for me...
My weekends were fully booked with different activities... birthdays, church events, shopping and other 'extra curricular activities'... to the extent that schedules were overlapping!

Also, I had tons of work recently... our the campaign for the coming World Cup.
Numbers are all around me... payables, quotations... hayyys!
I was stressed with a lot of things at work... felt disappointed and sometimes, bored in doing the same stuff...

Others, may have enjoyed... maybe? But I cannot relate... :)

We may have different experiences on this month...
Yet, today is the last day... and do you realize how fast this month passed?

And after all the difficulties that each day brought... all the pain that was left by the accidents... and our own personal frustrations...

With all these things that weren’t happy at all, we are saying goodbye.

It's about time to turn the page of the calendar and move forward to June with hope that things will get better...

In Manila, summer is over... the heat of El Niño is about to end. Hello rain, Hello water... hopefully, lesser floods on the streets.

Here in Dubai and in other countries, school classes are about to end …Hello vacation, Hello holiday! Yet, it is the start of summer! The 'heat' is on!!!

Now, we are giving June a warm welcome... let's start this month with a positive spirit that there will be greater, happier and brighter days ahead :)

Violet is Red

He is one of the Big Bosses, known to be the toughest and worst boss within the agency...
Let's call him Violet. The terror VP of the company.

Even the coffee delivery guy knew who and what he was.
If you happen to be a first timer within the vicinity, someone will surely warn you about Violet.
Or maybe, you'll find it yourself once you pass the hall near his office.
To newly hired employees, his name should be mentioned and he should be described, otherwise, the first day will also be their last...

He screamed to death...
With his power, even if he whispers... his voice will be heard...
Like a king... people should follow his orders...
The company is his kingdom.

To almost everyone... he is Miranda - from 'The devil wears Prada', or rather, Miranda is only half of him...
Violet is far worst... he was described to be Hitler by others who worked with him...

Can you imagine the life of his P.A?
No one within the network would like to be in her shoes...

And most were amazed how she deals with him.

Even Violet himself asked her several times, on how she looked at him.
With all sincerity, she said, 'I believe you are kind.'

Yes. To her, Violet is Red...
A man with soft heart and kindness deep within.
Not everyone might understand and believe but yes, he is Red to her...

Why?

This small but terrible PA is like David dealing with Goliath...
Her secret weapon is not a stone, but the powerful prayer that she whisper to our Lord God every single day of her office life.
Praying that He will touch Violet's heart, make it as Red as it can be...

And God continuously fulfill her prayers...
Knowing how Violet treated his previous PAs, everyday is a miracle to her.

Many can't believe, but indeed, Violet is Red...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts, and your minds in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4:6-7

Such miracle can happen to every corners of offices with 'Violet' bosses...

Instead of cursing your managers... lift them up to Him. and you will witness how God touch one's heart...

I Quit

Yes, I did...

Though its not good to hear... I am still proud to say that I AM A QUITTER :)

Not so long ago, just 2 months... and still counting :)

For almost 10 years (unconciously), I was a slave... addicted to this thing.

Time runs fast...

From just-want-to-experience became a habbit...

The habbit leads to addiction.

I can't start the day without a stick and a cup.

Go to bathroom with another stick.

Heading to work... another one.

Upon reaching the office, before entering the building... one more.

That's just before 9AM...

and I feel its a shame to list everything...

What made me decide to quit?

One reason... its because of love.

To our Lord God who is hurting everytime I puff and kill myself.

To my loved ones who never get tired of asking me to stop.

And to myself, who will carry on the disease...

How? I focused. Analyze the pros and cons...

After I realized that I was commiting suicide... and continously hurting people that I love...

I stopped.

It was not easy. I chilled.

Cravings sucks... but staying focus helped a lot.

Until one day, I just realized that I don't think about it anymore.

It was so gone in my system... that I even fail to remember that I was once addicted to it.

And I am happy and thankful that I quit.

-o0o-

Just yesterday, my cousin was rushed to the hospital because of chest pain and difficulty in breathing.

This morning, she said that it was Bronchitis.

Bronchitis is an acute inflammation of the air passages within the lungs, caused by several viruses, bacteria, chemical solvents and SMOKE.

I never imagine that this situation will ever happen... Me - giving advices on how to stop smoking?!?

And as I told her, maybe, she's the real reason why I quit, so that when this day comes, I can support and guide her all the way...

As we were 'chatting' I was able to give her some points on how to quit... shared my own experiences and some styles on how-to-do-it!

'The secret' is the WILL POWER.

Simple. Its not difficult to stop the addiction when yourself is determined to do it.

Presently, my cousin is at home, resting... please pray for her immediate recovery.

I know its never too late for her...

Now,she's decided to quit and I know that she can do it.

I was once on their shoes, those people who said... I can't.

But the truth... it's not I can't but I don't want to...

And that is the difference.