The Adventure Begins

Yey! Just a day after my 32nd birthday, my adventure begun...

In the morning of June 5, my left ear started to hear a buzzing sound. In a spun of 2 hours, it seems like I'm totally deaf. I can no longer hear anything from that side... it seems blocked and felt numb.
Gradually, I felt the imbalance while I walk, dizziness follows, until I started to throw up...
It was after lunch when vomiting took over... when I couldn't  fight any longer, I mentioned it to my colleague who immediately rushed me to the hospital.

My suffering continues, countless times of throwing up... I was so anxious, totally weak during those times at the emergency room. Everything is spinning, faster than you can ever imagine. The doctor said it is Vertigo.


Vertigo /ˈvɜː(ɹ)tɨɡoʊ/ (from the Latin vertō "a whirling or spinning movement" is a subtype of dizziness, where there is a feeling of motion when one is stationary.The symptoms are due to an asymmetric dysfunction of the vestibular system in the inner ear. It is often associated with nausea and vomiting as well as a balance disorder, causing difficulties standing or walking. 

This sickness is very familiar to me, as my Nanay have the same... but I never knew and understand how hard and difficult it was, until I experienced it.  At that time in the ER, I suddenly remember how she suffers, and that memory gave me the strength to fight. Her prayers were louder than the buzzing sound in my ear.

After the medicine took effect, the doctor refer me to an EENT as she said it has something to do with my ear...

Yesterday, I went to see the EENT specialist... and he confirmed the Vertigo and an infection on my left inner ear. He sent me to an audiologist to undergo an audio gram. That confirmed my hearing loss. The doctor mentioned that my left ear is very weak at this moment. He will try but he cannot guarantee a complete healing. I need to undergo a 10-day medication before we proceed to the next step.

He will try and we will wait... without the guarantee that I will regain my hearing.

One of my colleague asked how am I coping...

Yesterday, upon hearing the diagnosis, in all honestly, I felt shocked, but never terrified. I know that I have a big God and this is just one of the test of faith and I will survive... looking forward to His wonderful work in my life.

But on my emotional side, I also felt afraid... not for myself but for my responsibilities. Can I still work? How can I help my family? I have responsibilities to our church ministry, and a big part of that is video editing wherein hearing is crucial... how can I continue to listen to His Word, when I am not capable of hearing?

But above all my worries, God spoke to me, my heart hears louder than my ears...
I just have to be still and know He is God.
Our God who heals... Our God who make all things possible. With Him, I am safe.

In the midst of this not so good situation, God's love embraced me tightly. He never let me feel alone... He sent His love through my colleague, Hana, who brought me to the hospital and  never leave my side. My best friend Erika who's taking care of me just like how my Nanay will do... Nhyit who looks after me. My brother Ernan who extends his support and love. And to all of my friends and family who keeps on praying for my recovery... With all these love, there is no room for pain, sorrow and fear...

As what I have said when I started the Chapter 32 of my life...
I will submit to His will and surrender fully to my God.
With or without hearing, I will give glory to His name.

PSALM 103: 1-5

¹ Praise the Lord, my soul; 
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins 
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion, 
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

They Stick On Me

I am back to work.
And still under medications...

My recent check up with Urologist regarding my 'rubies' has good results. As expected, my right kidney is now clear and no more 'gems' :) the one on the left are 'about to leave'... :) or up to date, it should've passed out already.

The endoscopy took place after my Uro check up. I can remember how nervous I was... my heart was pounding fast. Everything was clear to me, from wearing the gown and cap, lying down on the bed, checking BP, nurse explaining the procedure, dextrose, entering the Endoscopy room, all the apparatus inside, the oxygen tube, the mouth piece, throat spray, injection of anesthesia... then I fall asleep.

I woke up inside the SSU (Short Stay Unit) with my bestfriend (Erika) beside me... taking some pictues of me. When I was fully conscious, 2 of our friends (Eric and Maoo) went inside too and awaken me with their witty stories.

After some time, the nurse gave the results - the findings... I don't remember the actual medical terms but as what I understood it has something to do with my Ulcer. Hmmmmm... Bile Reflux Gastritis! and the other one, I really cannot recall ... anyways, what is important and very clear is that there is nothing serious... I just have to continue with the medications.

I've researched about my condition, and it says:

Bile reflux

Bile is a greenish-yellow fluid that's essential for digesting fats and for eliminating worn-out red blood cells and certain toxins from your body. It's produced in your liver and stored in your gallbladder in a highly concentrated form.
Eating a meal that contains even a modest amount of fat signals your gallbladder to release bile, which flows through two small tubes (cystic duct and common bile duct) into the upper part of your small intestine (duodenum).

Bile reflux into the stomach
At the same time that bile is entering the duodenum, food enters your small intestine through the pyloric valve, a heavy ring of muscle located at the outlet of your stomach. Ordinarily, the pyloric valve opens just slightly — enough to release about an eighth of an ounce (about 3.5 milliliters) of liquefied food at a time, but not enough to allow digestive juices to backup (reflux) into the stomach. In many cases of bile reflux, the valve doesn't close properly, and bile backwashes into the stomach, where it causes irritation and inflammation (gastritis).

What leads to bile reflux?
Peptic ulcers. Sometimes a peptic ulcer can block the pyloric valve. Rather than not closing tightly, the valve doesn't open enough to allow the stomach to empty as quickly as it should. The stagnant food and liquid in the stomach can lead to increased gastric pressure that causes refluxed bile and stomach acid to back up into the esophagus.

Source: mayoclinic

Actually, these 2 health problems was already with me for a long time. I was first diagnosed with Peptic Ulcer when I was still in high school and kidney stones during college. Through grace of God, I was healed then and now.

'Rubies' recur maybe because I really like salty foods... my meal always comes with fish sauce or soy sauce. I guess I have to say goodbye to that :( my eating habit wont be the same without 'patis', but I woudn't trade my kidneys for that!
My ulcer, never left me since then. I have been very cautious with this but it really does stick on me! I understand that my bad habits before usually triggered its attack... and maybe, I am now reaping all the negative effects. I have been living a healthier life (no smoke, no alcohol, 1 coffee a day) for almost 6 months now, but I noticed that my ulcer attack are getting worst.

Maybe because it is adjusting? Maybe my stomach is not used to being clean :) :) :)
or whatever it may be, I know that it will soon be over, and I will be well.

Despite the pain, I am glad that I quit.
I am now adjusting to a  'clean and green' life and I know that this pain is nothing compared to more serious diseases that I might get from those vices.

God saved me.
He picked me up at the right time, before the bad habits ruined me totally.

I believe that my body is just in the 'cleansing' process, and soon, all the ''leftovers' will be gone. Fears have no room inside me. I have dealt with this sickness before, it means nothing, especially now, knowing that God is embracing me...

"Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security."

Jeremiah 33:6

Whatever is Inside Me

I still don't know...

It's my 10th day of medication.
And I really can't say that I am well or even I am better.

I am OK. Well, everything is the same...
Aside from taking some medicines, I am still fine.

It's just that I am more conscious with every strange (and normal - that I thought was strange) things that I feel from within... behind these bellies :)

Well, I must admit that I am a bit troubled with the thought of 'endoscopy' which was scheduled 5 days from now... I prayed for it, that if it is really needed, He will let the insurance approve it, and if not necessary, then it will be declined. I want to think that it was granted to give me peace of mind... to confirm that everything is normal.

I am bothered with this sedation and anesthesia and hospital bed and medicine tablets.... grrrrrrrrrr! I am not used to it. That hospital smell makes me sick!!! but I have to undergo such test... and I am looking forward on the day that I won't feel anything abnormal on my tummy again.

Somehow, I have this 2% excitement to know and understand why I am having this pain. My curiosity keeps me thrilled and gives me courage to do it.

I know I'll be fine in there. I am safe because God is in charge...
There might be some dilemma but I know that He is there for me.

When the sun was setting, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.

Luke 4:40

Forever Grateful

For quite sometime now, there's a pain in my abdomen...
Last weekend, I underwent an abdominal ultrasound, and discovered that I have 'gems' on my kidneys... 5mm on the left and tiny 'gravels' on the right.

Nothing to worry. Everything is fine.
I am now under medications and in 2 weeks time, there will be another ultrasound to check... and in Jesus' name, I know that it will be gone...

Though as per my Urologist, the pain is not coming from those 'rubies' (as I call it), but maybe from my Colon... and so I haveto see another doctor, a Gastroenterologist - which I already called for an appointment, that is 2 days from now. I will let you know... :)

I am smiling... because I know that I will be well, soon.
and I am grateful because I believe that this is just another test of my faith in Him... and I will not be shaken.

For the past months... life seems to be perfect for me and my family. Our hearts are filled with joy... there are a lot of reasons to celebrate. And we are thankful that we are so blessed.
I don't say that this is the payment for that (as we sometime thinks that in every happiness, there is sadness afterwards)... because I believe that this is another blessing for me, as God will use me to show His healing power as He removes these diseases away from my body.

God gives me trial so that I will continually cling onto His hands, and forever keep in touch with Him. Day by day, I know that He moves into my life... and through these circumstances, behind all these pain, I am molded and hardened to become a better individual - to be called His child.

"He knows the way I take;

  when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

My feet have closely followed His steps;

   I have kept to His way without turning aside."

Job 23:10-11

please pray for our Derick

last week, i dreamt of a new born baby... it was just a dream yet seems very real.
the picture was so clear. i can remember every details...
at first, the baby was so tiny, and so reddish... i still have in mind the close up picture of her cheeks and small eyes.
then, in the next day she gained weight, almost double her size and she was lying in a hospital bed. i even ask why not in a crib? then somebody said, "she wants her feet up..."

then i woke up.

that dream was so strange... i was bothered. i even thought that my sister - in - law might be pregnant again... i researched in dreammoods.com... read some dream interpretations. but i wasnt convinced.

yesterday, i was waiting for my nephew, derick, to be online. its been a week since we chatted. and i asked my cousin to call him...
i waited.
fifteen minutes maximum to turn on the PC and be online.
almost 30 minutes passed. his YM is still off.
i buzzed my cousin again.

then he said: something happened.
me: what?
accident
who? what?
derick. hit by a motorcycle...

i dont know what else to say. i called them to know the details.

he had a leg surgery last night. his muscles were damaged.
he is still under observation til tuesday... needed to wait for his leg muscles to regenerate...

luckily, he is now out of danger.
God has always been so good to us. there are a lot of worst things that might happen to him, but He didnt allow.
it is so painful... tears keeps flowing from my eyes. i am worried but i know that God will keep derick from harm. He is the Great Healer... i believe that soon, i can see our derick walking again.

then i remember the baby in my dream. she wanted her legs up while she was sleeping.
i dont know if derick's legs are up... but what i know is that he is still in the hospital bed...
and he needs your prayers...