HOME ALONE but not lonely...

Let me borrow that famous line...

One of my many fears that I am trying to overcome is to be home alone.

Yes. At 30, I still can't sleep alone...
I have strong imagination... Tik-Tak of clock is like a musical scoring in a horror movie... Darkness is like thick clouds where ghosts hide, and in a snap, they will run (or maybe float) towards me. My feet should be covered; otherwise, something or someone will pull me through my feet and bring me under the bed!!!
I am sooo afraid of ghost!
Aside from sleeping, another dilemma is that I don't know how to cook.
I can fry. I can saute...but then what's next? :-)

And just, the thought of being alone really bothers me....

But as I said... I am trying to treat this apprehension.
And I am on my 10th day, and still counting.

I must admit that I am having difficult time... but I do enjoy the experience.
Conditioning my mind to sleep... Talking and convincing myself that I am not afraid anymore... Slowly turning off lights... and testing the music whether the volume is too low or too loud... Closing my eyes and keeping it close even if I am still sooo awake!
There are nights that I keep changing my sleeping position for 30 mins...
Nights when there are too many crazy ideas that goes into my mind... illusions and imaginations!
And there's this pattern of waking up at 3AM that scares me every time but the only thing to do is to close my eyes again...

Those are the things that I dealt with, every night...
And somehow, I can say that I am starting to conquer these fears.
My heart still beats fast, every time I turn off the lights and I still have to roll around the bed for several times to feel the best sleeping position...

But I've improved, a lot!
And going 'solo flight' has thought me a lot already.
Not just in sleeping... cooking... and NOT talking... but there are more.

Being alone made me realize that I can also do things that I don't do before (because there's someone who will do it) like house keeping, fridge/food monitoring (what's in there and what's needed / which to consume first... etc) and choosing clothes to wear (since I live with 'fashionista', she's the one who mix n match my office clothes). I really fell like a grown up now... finally :-)

And aside from all many discoveries and new task that I can do...

I know that my faith is being tested at these moments...

In the dark night with my wild imaginations, I might die in fear if I do not trust our Lord.
As I pray on my knees, I know that He is there, listening. I can feel His embrace in the cold night....
And in the midst of silence, I can feel that He speaks to me... telling me that I don't have to worry because He is there with many angels watching over me.

I don't feel alone... neither felt lonely...
But I am grateful for this opportunity, because at these time that no one is with me...
His most valuable presence embraces me.